Maintaining an intimate relationship is often more difficult than we’d hope for. Preserving vibrant connectedness in a world filled with responsibilities and distractions requires disciplined effort and gentle responsiveness. We must be aware of the things that alienate affections and counteract closeness, and eradicate these relational threats.
Today’s post contains a short questionnaire aimed at identifying the big stumbling blocks that frequently hinder intimacy in marital relationships. The goal is to first look in the mirror before you look across the room. I hope this reflective exercise helps in increasing intimacy within your home!
A. To what degree do each of the following areas affect sexual intimacy with your spouse?
|1. Stress at work||Much||Some||None|
|2. Stress at home||Much||Some||None|
|3. Overworked and tired||Much||Some||None|
|4. Preoccupation with TV / phone / computer||Much||Some||None|
|5. Preoccupation with kids / hobbies / etc||Much||Some||None|
|6. Frequent conflict||Much||Some||None|
|7. Not feeling valued||Much||Some||None|
|8. Not feeling attractive / attracted||Much||Some||None|
|9. Lack of affection in home||Much||Some||None|
|10. Lack of initiative to engage||Much||Some||None|
|11. Lack of responsiveness to spouse||Much||Some||None|
|12. Lack of sexual desire (ie lowered libido)||Much||Some||None|
|13. Fear of inadequacy in bed||Much||Some||None|
|14. Fear of being laughed at/ mocked||Much||Some||None|
|15. Unforgiveness or anger in relationship||Much||Some||None|
|16. Past hurt in intimate / sexual relationship||Much||Some||None|
|17. Sexual intimacy not pleasurable||Much||Some||None|
|18. Porn tainted the intimate relationship||Much||Some||None|
|19. Physiological / medical reasons||Much||Some||None|
|20. Guilt of past prevents intimate enjoyment||Much||Some||None|
B. Use your answers above as prompting to discuss your feelings with your spouse, a counselor or within a safe group therapy environment. Seek to discover why you feel this way.
C. Confess your part in the problem. Is there something that you could do to remedy the problem? What could change the situation for the good?
D. Ask God to forgive you for your wrongs, to heal your relationship and restore joy again.
Are there other barriers to intimacy that you are aware of, and that i have not included here?