Barriers to Intimacy: Questionnaire

Maintaining an intimate relationship is often more difficult than we’d hope for.  Preserving vibrant connectedness in a world filled with responsibilities and distractions requires disciplined effort and gentle responsiveness. We must be aware of the things that alienate affections and counteract closeness, and eradicate these relational threats.

Today’s post contains a short questionnaire aimed at identifying the big stumbling blocks that frequently hinder intimacy in marital relationships. The goal is to first look in the mirror before you look across the room. I hope this reflective exercise helps in increasing intimacy within your home!

A. To what degree do each of the following areas affect sexual intimacy with your spouse?

1.     Stress at work Much Some None
2.    Stress at home Much Some None
3.     Overworked and tired Much Some None
4.     Preoccupation with TV / phone / computer Much Some None
5.      Preoccupation with kids / hobbies / etc Much Some None
6.      Frequent conflict Much Some None
7.      Not feeling valued Much Some None
8.      Not feeling attractive / attracted Much Some None
9.     Lack of affection in home Much Some None
10.   Lack of initiative to engage Much Some None
11.   Lack of responsiveness to spouse Much Some None
12.   Lack of sexual desire (ie lowered libido) Much Some None
13.   Fear of inadequacy in bed Much Some None
14.   Fear of being laughed at/ mocked Much Some None
15.   Unforgiveness or anger in relationship Much Some None
16.   Past hurt in intimate / sexual relationship Much Some None
17.   Sexual intimacy not pleasurable Much Some None
18.   Porn tainted the intimate relationship Much Some None
19.   Physiological / medical reasons Much Some None
20.   Guilt of past prevents intimate enjoyment Much Some None

B. Use your answers above as prompting to discuss your feelings with your spouse, a counselor or within a safe group therapy environment. Seek to discover why you feel this way.

C. Confess your part in the problem. Is there something that you could do to remedy the problem? What could change the situation for the good?

D. Ask God to forgive you for your wrongs, to heal your relationship and restore joy again.

Are there other barriers to intimacy that you are aware of, and that i have not included here?

 

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