Confidence – walklikejesus

“I blew it. Again!”

September 8, 2023Posted in Practical ChristianityTagged accusation, Confidence, disappointment, disgraced, disqualified, guilt, identity, Judge, mercy, purpose, shame2 Comments

We all know the feelings of guilt and shame. We all know that voice hurling accusations at us in our moment of weakness. “You blew it again!” “Can’t you keep it together?” “When will you get it right?” “Disappointment!” “Disgrace!” “Disqualified!”

How can you pray with these feelings? How can you come before God with this voice in your head? What would it take to silence the Accuser?

I find tremendous freedom in a vision shown to the prophet Zechariah. It was when the first exiles returned from Persia to rebuild Jerusalem (520 BC). Along with Haggai, Zechariah was exhorting the people to rebuild the temple to allow the Jews to worship God again.

The vision of the court (Zachariah 3)

In this vision, Zechariah saw Joshua, the high priest standing before the Lord, with Satan accusing him. The accusation? Joshua was standing before the Lord with his ceremonial clothes covered in filth. What’s the big deal? The high priest was the one man in Israel who had the privilege and responsibility of atoning for the sins of Israel once a year, reconciling the people to God.

Only on the day of Yom Kippur (see Leviticus 16), the high priest could enter the most holy place to offer sacrifices to YHWH. The custom was that the high priest would fast and pray the 24 hours leading up to Yom Kippur, confessing all his sins and cleansing himself in the presence of God, with groups of priests supporting him in prayer throughout the day. The next morning, he would wash himself, get dressed and enter the most holy place to offer a bull to atone for his personal sins. He would walk out all bloodied, wash himself and get dressed in his next clothes. Then he would return to offer a ram to atone for the priesthood. He would wash and get dressed again to atone for the sins of Israel by offering a goat. Whenever he would enter the most holy place, he would have bells on his clothes and a rope around his ankle so that if he had unconfessed sins and died in the presence of God, the people could drag him out. God is holy.

Here we have Joshua standing before the Lord covered in filth, guilty and shamed. Joshua was the high priest that year – the one man who should keep it together so that Israel would have an example of godliness and a mediator before God. And Satan did well to remind Joshua of that. The accuser screams, “He is unfit!” “He is unholy!” “He is sinful!” “Disappointment!” “Disgrace!” “Disqualified!” “Throw him in the fire!”

Not disgraced, disappointed or disqualified

SHAMED

To Joshua’s surprise, the Lord did not strike him dead. The Lord did not seem surprised that Joshua was covered in filth. He did not rebuke or strike Joshua. Instead, the Lord rebuked the accuser, reminding him of three things:

Joshua was a man that was destined to the fire (condemnation), but the Lord had pity on him and saved him from the fire.
The Lord had chosen Joshua and his people Israel for himself – he has favour on Joshua and his people.
The Lord has chosen Jerusalem as his dwelling place and has therefore instituted the priestly order with Joshua, to mediate between him and his chosen people.

In short, the Lord has compassion for Joshua, has chosen Joshua, and set him apart as the high priest. Joshua has not earned this prized position through his holy living – it is all grace.

Therefore, the Lord orders that Joshua’s filthy clothes be removed and that he be clothed in new high priestly clothes. The Lord Himself has removed the sins from Joshua.

Then the Lord assures Joshua that his failure has not disqualified him from his priestly privileges. Surprisingly, the Lord assures the man that if he continues to seek and serve God in his role, he will continually have access to his presence. Moreover, Joshua will see the restoration of Israel and the coming of the Messianic reign. He has the privilege to play a part in this fulfilment!

A friend in need

One of the most beautiful moments in this scene is Zachariah’s response. When he sees how graciously the Lord responds to his shamed friend, Zachariah gets excited and cries out, “Give him a clean headdress!” Seeing his friend’s failure, the prophet did not join in the slandering of the accuser. Nor did he stand by passively to see what happens next. Rather, Zacheriah joined in the Lord’s effort to restore and encourage the fallen priest. “Give that priest new clothes to work with!”

A Mirror to my reality

I am a husband, a father, and a pastor of a congregation. I am a leader, an example to others of how to walk in godliness. Yet I fail. Often. I can deeply identify with Joshua’s sense of shame in the presence of God. I know what it feels like to stand before God with dirty garments. I have heard the words of the accuser ringing in my ears “You blew it, again!” “Can’t you keep it together, man?” “Failure!” “Hypocrite!” “Disgrace! “Disappointment!” “Disqualified!”

Accusation and shame are familiar companions to all the children of Adam and Eve who ate of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Their aim in life is to persuade you and me that we are a disgrace and disappointment to God, and that God has disqualified us to come before him. The accuser wants you to stay away from God and to give up on your purpose.

But Satan is a liar.

A Window into God’s Kingdom

Therefore I find so much comfort in how the Lord responds to Satan’s accusation of Joshua, God’s priest. God tells Satan to keep quiet, to keep out of his business, to leave the priest alone. Why? Because Joshua is God’s chosen priest, appointed by God to serve God by atoning for God’s people.

The whole chapter is framed in covenant language. YHWH (the LORD, Israel’s covenant God) has chosen and redeemed Israel for himself to participate in His redemption and renewal of all creation. God knows that all people are flawed – he remembers that he made them from dust. That is why God has instituted the priesthood, and why he chose Joshua to serve him as high priest: to atone for Israel’s sins and make peace between God and his people.

Yet God knows that even the high priest is only a man. He speaks of another High Priest called The Branch or The Stone (the foundation of his true temple), who will atone for Joshua’s sins. Now Joshua can experience mercy and get cleansed by God.

A Door to God’s Kingdom

How should I respond? How can I participate in this heavenly court scene? There are two people here, and I am invited to play the roles of either Joshua or Zachariah in this vision.

When I hear the accuser condemning me, I see myself in the place of Joshua. The accused priest does nothing except to:

hear the Lord’s rebuke of Satan
hear the Lord’s forgiveness
receive the new clean clothes,
and hear that he is not disqualified – he must continue confidently in his ministry!

This scene does not lure me to passivity. Whenever I hear the accuser, I am invited to see myself in this scene before the Lord and wait until he rid me of the accusations, to declare me clean and acceptable in his sight. I wait on the Lord as David did in Psalms 62 and 130.

Secondly, I am invited to imitate Zachariah in this scene. When I see a friend bent over under the burden of guilt and shame, I am invited to participate in the gracious Lord’s restoration. I am urged to mirror the mercy of God: to announce a clean slate and encourage my friend to continue serving God with confidence in this fallen world.

When you stand in the presence of the Lord today, who do you feel like?

Are you Joshua, burdened by shame and whipped by Satan’s accusations? Are you yearning for the Lord’s deliverance and loving restoration?	“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne room of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16
Or will you imitate Zachariah the prophet, seeking out that friend to encourage with the mercy of God?	“A bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench.” Isaiah 42:3

Lessons learned from church planting 1 – the blessings of confident humility

July 15, 2015July 21, 2015Posted in Church Planting, Leadership, Practical ChristianityTagged Christian Leadership, Church Planting, Confidence, humility, Shofar Christian Church, Shofar Pretoria2 Comments

“Accidental” Church Planters

“Now those who were scattered because of the persecution that arose over Stephen traveled as far as Phoenicia and Cyprus and Antioch, speaking the word to no one except Jews. But there were some of them… who on coming to Antioch spoke to the Greeks also, preaching the Lord Jesus. And the hand of the Lord was with them, and a great number who believed turned to the Lord.” Acts 11:19-21

This account by Luke is so simple and challenging at the same time: Christians fled Jerusalem due to persecution and suffering after Stephen the first martyr died at the hands of the Jews. As they fled, they gladly shared their new-found faith with the Jews in every city and town they went through. But in Antioch these Christians for the first time shared the gospel of Jesus with Greeks, “pagans”, and many believed. And thus the most influential church in the first century was birthed – the church in which Paul grew into the apostle we know, and the church from where he and Barnabas was sent as missionaries to the gentiles.

So fearful, fleeing, young Christians “accidentally” planted the most influential church in the first century.

This could have been me and you. Better still – it can be me and you.

When I think about the first church-plant I was involved in, this Scripture comes to mind, because on all accounts we were as clueless as the young Christians mentioned above. We were young, passionate, inexperienced and without formal theologically education. But like them, we knew Jesus and his Gospel.

The birth of Shofar Pretoria

In 2002 a hand-full of young working Christians who used to be part of Shofar Christian Church in Stellenbosch found themselves in Johannesburg and Pretoria, longing for the vibrant worship, tight-knit fellowship with honest accountability in which the Holy Spirit freely ministered. After a few months of prayer and a purposeful visits from the leaders in Stellenbosch there was agreement that the Holy Spirit mandated a church plant in Pretoria.

Today, more than thirteen years after the first service in the small, dark Moonbox Theatre in Sunny Side, Shofar Pretoria is a vibrant, multi-generation, missional church that has been key to the salvation, healing and discipleship of hundreds of individuals, as well as the planting of several other congregations in the North of South Africa.

I intend to tell the story in another blogpost, but in the next six posts I wish to share the lessons learned as we planted Shofar Christian Church in Pretoria.

The blessing of confident humility

Nothing will happen without someone taking initiative, without someone person taking the risk. If a church is going to be planted, somebody, or some group of people, needs to do it. This requires leadership, and leadership requires belief not just in the necessity and feasibility of the cause, but also in his/ her own ability to facilitate and coordinate the activities required for a life-giving church wherein people will forever be transformed through the powerful working of the Spirit and Word of God. You need to believe that your mortal activities will lead to the eternal, salvivic consequences of yourself and others. The proverb is true: “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7).

For me that shift to what I call “confident humility” happened when I was a student. I was studying for another re-write of some notoriously difficult engineering subject. On a coffee break, walking back to the study hall contemplated the quote “there is a God, and I am not him!” [see the inbedded clip below]. In that moment this truth settled in my heart and gave me such a freedom from the pressure of “making something happen” and delivered me from of the fear of failure! God exists – so not everything depends on my effort. Yet at the same time, this God lives in me and works through me.

In that moment a song was planted in my heart:

“I know who am I, and who I am not…

I know my Redeemer – the Almighty God

His Spirit will guide me in all of my days

Lord Jesus – it’s you that I praise!”

Confidence grounded in God – his omnipotent power, faithful and benevolent character. Humility founded in my limited abilities, dependability on God’s providence, always with a sober awareness of my fallibility. So liberating!

“I said you are the leader”

During my student years in Shofar Stellenbosch we had plenty of opportunities to grow into responsibility, allowing for character and skills development though ministry opportunities such as campus outreaches, small group leading, personal ministry facilitation such as emotional healing and deliverance, leading prayer meetings, and short term mission outreaches. All with oversight and coaching – each opportunity allowing for discipleship growth in a safe environment. In preparation of one of those summer mission trips myself and a friend Antoinette Woods (nee Bosch) were assigned to lead the 6-week GO!SA evangelism and ministry tour around the borders of South Africa. Upon hearing the news I was struck with the paralyzing feeling of utter incompetence, much like Gideon of old (Judges 6:14-15). While spilling my feelings to God in my room I remember the Lord clearly saying “Read Genesis 1”. As I read aloud I came to verse three and heard the Lord say to me “I said ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light. Now I say to you “You are the leader!” and that you are!” God assigns and creates capacity and provides grace with the appointment. That day something shifted in my heart – eradicating fear and insecurity pertaining to leadership and ministry. I was young and inexperienced, but I knew that when God sets one aside for leadership or another assignment, he provides grace to complete the task. You are never left to you yourself – His grace is sufficient for all he calls you to.

“The Lion and the Bear”

So when the principle pastor of Shofar Christian Church, Fred May, asked me in 2002 if I would lead the church plant in Pretoria I felt like David who said to King Saul before facing Goliath “Your servant has struck down both lions and bears, and this uncircumcised Philistine shall be like one of them” (1 Samuel 17:36). I had a reference for God’s grace at work in spite of my human inadequacies. I have gained confidence in seeing what I have accomplished, and grown in humility as I have come to know “it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me” (1 Corinthians 15:10).

Confidence in the face of opposition

After the commissioning in Cape Town I returned to the prayer group in Pretoria and announced that I have been commissioned to lead the church plant. The news was met with mixed feelings, and some of the older members of the group resisted and outright rejected the decision, saying “you are too young” or “you have not been in the church long enough”. Some left the church plant initiative during that time. Amazingly, those conflicting moments and combative statements did not shake my heart the least, although I knew that the statements were true – I was young, I had limited experience in ministry, I studied engineering and not theology.

Yet, I knew what God had said to me previously. I knew I was not perfect, I was not God – but I knew God, and I knew he is for me and with me. I knew I was called to plant the church, and I knew that it did not all depend on me – I knew the “Christ in me, the hope of glory” (Colossians 1:27).

Today, after more than thirteen years the church in Pretoria is still flourishing and growing at the hands of Phillip Boshoff and the team. Truly I can witness that God gives grace to the humble, and that those who know their God will accomplish great things. So let your faith be in God, not your expertise, experience or effort. After all,

“Unless the Lord does not build the House, those who labor, labor in vain.” (Psalm 127:1)

In the next post we will consider the second lesson I learned – The blessing of being clueless.